SpongeBob DetectivePants
by It's Just Myself
Summary: When Mr. Krabs took a vacation, SpongeBob had nothing to do, so he got a job as a detective...Chapter 2 out of 5 complete
1. SpongeBob Gets a New Job

A/N: This is my first SpongeBob fanfic.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own SpongeBob Squarepants and the original characters in it.

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**SpongeBob DetectivePants**

Chapter 1: SpongeBob Gets a New Job

SpongeBob had always liked his career, working in the Krusty Krab from Mondays through Saturdays, and then go jellyfishing with Patrick on Sundays. However, things have changed now, when Mr. Krabs was gone on vacation for a month. SpongeBob didn't want to spend one whole month with nothing to do, and can't go jellyfishing with Patrick, because Patrick's always watching TV. Squidward hates SpongeBob, and Sandy was always very busy with science stuff on weekdays.

Maybe I can find a job to pass the time, SpongeBob thought, but where will I find one? Just as he thought, a paper fell from the sky, landing on his face. Screaming and prancing in circles, he finally got the paper off his face, and read it. It was conveniently a job occupation, looking for someone to work as a detective. "I'm the perfect person for the job!" exclaimed SpongeBob.

So SpongeBob signed up for the job in the Detective Employment Agency. His work schedule showed that he had to work from Thursday to Saturday. He spent Monday through Wednesday with Patrick, watching TV. Even though SpongeBob wasn't interested in watching Patrick's TV Shows, he still watched them to pass the time.

Then, finally, it was Thursday. SpongeBob excitedly assumed his position as a temporary detective, and went right off to work. He just sat there in the office, doing nothing, since there weren't any cases yet to be solved.

Friday was basically the same thing. There still weren't any cases. Something exciting had happened during this time, though: Jeffrey the jellyfish had won a prize in a jellyfish talent show. But since SpongeBob was at work, he missed the ceremony and had to sit in the office. By the end of Friday, SpongeBob realized that this job was getting fairly boring. _Maybe I should quit the job and spend time with Patrick instead,_ SpongeBob thought.

So on Saturday morning, SpongeBob went to the police station and to the job assigner. Just as he was about to tell the job assigner that he was going to withdraw from the job, it happened…

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A/N: Chapter 2 will be up in about a week. 


	2. The First Case

A/N: Here's Chapter 2. Sorry it took so long; I have other important things to do.

Chapter 2: The First Case

It happened. A strange shrieking sound rang out in the police station building.

"Ahhhh! What is that sound?" panicked SpongeBob. "Could it be…a BREAK –IN ALARM? BUT I THOUGHT THIS WAS A POLICE OFFICE! HOW THE BARNACLES COULD SOMEONE BREAK IN HERE?!"

"Calm down," said a police officer. "This is probably just Fritz screaming. He's always disorganized and screams every time when he had lost something for a short while."

But the screaming just persisted. It then seemed to get louder. It was the loudest when a fish came inside the central office of the police station. It wasn't until then that SpongeBob realized that it was that fish screaming.

"Sir, you have the right to remain calm," said the police officer. But the fish just continued screaming. So the police officer had to scream, "CALM DOWN!!!" Then the fish finally stopped screaming. So the police officer said, "Tell me. Why are you screaming? What's the problem?"

"JEFFREY…JELLYFISH…MISSING!!!" yelled the fish.

"Sir, tell me calmly, what is Jeffrey Jellyfish? And what about him?"

The fish finally remained calm. "Jeffrey Jellyfish is my jellyfish that won the talent show yesterday," he told the police officer. "Yesterday, he just won the big prize, but today, when I woke up, HE'S GONE! HE MUST BE STOLEN!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" He started to panic again.

Before the police officer went on asking, SpongeBob quickly put in, "Jellyfish shouldn't be kept indoors. It's a wild animal. It should be outside, in Jellyfish Fields."

"Don't interrupt, Mr. Squarepants," the police officer ordered. Then he said to the fish, "First of all, what's your name?"

"Billy Jellyfishkeeper."

"And your address?"

So Billy Jellyfishkeeper told the police officer everything the police officer asked him. Then he turned to SpongeBob, and told him that he's going to detect who stole Jeffrey Jellyfish.

"It's finally my first case to detect?" asked SpongeBob excitedly. "OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY — "

"NOW, LET'S GET TO WORK," said the police officer loudly, to stop his excited hollering. He gave SpongeBob a walkie-talkie so SpongeBob could reamin in contact with the police station.

So SpongeBob just stood there, outside the police station. Whenever someone walked by, he asked them, "Excuse me, did you steal Jeffrey Jellyfish?"

The first fish said, "No, haven't got a clue," and walked away.

When he asked the same question to another fish, that fish said, "Jeffrey who?" and also walked away.

Another fish said, "What are you talking about?"

SpongeBob was confused. He didn't understand why the other fish are misunderstanding him. Then, his walkie-talkie rang. "SpongeBob Squarepants! Come over here at once," ordered a police officer in the station.

"What did I do wrong?" SpongeBob asked when he arrived.

"You're not supposed to ask them if they stole Jeffrey, you fish paste brain!" the police officer scolded. "Who would ever tell you that, even if they did steal Jeffrey? You're supposed to ask if they have any clues about who stole Jeffrey Jellyfish."

"Got it." SpongeBob went outside again. This time, he followed the police officer's instructions, and asked other people whether they have any clue about who stole Jeffrey Jellyfish.

After asking twenty fishes, all of them had said, "No, I don't know." So SpongeBob began to lose his patience. He was totally no longer patient, so he stopped asking. Then, the police officer barked, "NEVER MIND! YOU'RE A DETECTIVE. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LOOK FOR CLUES! Geeeeeeez!"

So SpongeBob came back into the police station. The police officer that was talking to SpongeBob was in a bad mood because SpongeBob was too idiotic for a detective. So another patient police officer told SpongeBob, "You're supposed to look for clues, not ask for them!"

"Got it!" Just as SpongeBob was about to leave, the other impatient police officer bellowed, "SHE HADN'T FISNISHED EXPLAINING YET!! HOLY FISH PASTE!!!" But SpongeBob had already left.

He went out on the street again, and asked everyone he saw: "Have you looked for any clues about who stole Jeffrey Jellyfish?"

"TARTAR SAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE!!!!!!"screamed the impatient police officer.

"Do you want a Krabby Patty with tartar sauce?" SpongeBob asked the police officer. "I'll have to go home to get some ingre—"

"AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!" shrieked the police officer furiously. "JUST COME BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!!"

So SpongeBob came back. "IF YOU AIN'T HAVIN' ANY IDEA ABOUT DETECTIVE WORK, GO HOOOOOOOOOOME!!!!!" thundered the impatient police officer.

"It's okay. I'll take care of that," said the patient police officer as she told SpongeBob to ask people where have they last seen Jeffrey Jellyfish.

"I've got it now!"

"Are you shhhhhhhoooooouuure (sure)?" groaned the impatient officer.

"Yes, sir!" SpongeBob went back outside. When he asked, "Where was the last place you saw Jeffrey Jellyfish?" many fish just answered, "Yesterday at the Jellyfish Talent Show."

_That's no help,_ SpongeBob thought. He had to know where the jellyfish was today. "No data yet," he reported to the police station.

"THAT'S NO USE," barked the police officer. "WALK AROUND, FOR NEPTUNE'S SAKE!!!"

So SpongeBob started walking around. He had spent all morning, trying to figure oit where was the jellyfish, and he had given up when it was almost lunchtime. Everyone he saw answered in the same way: "No, I don't know" or "Yesterday at the Jellyfish Talent Show." He had walked about 200 metres away from the police station, and the only reason he didn't walk further was because the impatient police officer was screaming on the top of his lungs to get back. As he walked back, he tried asking the people he had passed by. Finally, one fish said, "At the town carnival."

Then SpongeBob started walking towards the carnival. "Where the barnacles are you going?!" snapped the police officer.

"To the town carnival. Jeffrey Jellyfish is at the town carnival," SpongeBob declared.

"YOU CAN'T JUST WALK TO THE TOWN CARNIVAL, YOU BARNACLE HEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAD!!!!!!!!!" bellowed the police officer so loudly that the walkie-talkie was shaking. "And I HAAATE your idioticness, so I ain't drivin' you there. TOUCH LUCK, SQUAREPANTS!!!"

"Then how am I going to get there?"

"I'll drive you, Mr. Squarepants," said the female police officer.

"Okay, Officer Nancy. As long as I'm not working for that barnacle head, it's fine," said the grumpy police officer.

So, Officer Nancy drove SpongeBob to the carnival. The carnival was really large, so SpongeBob was clueless about where to look. "Where to I look?" he asked.

"Ask yourself, you're a detective," Officer Nancy replied. "Just look for clues. The jellyfish thief could be anywhere."

Then, SpongeBob began to search for clues. Officer Nancy just stood in the same position, waiting for SpongeBob to report for duty calls every time he finds something useful. SpongeBob had asked many people whether they've seen a jellyfish, and finally he found two answers: One jellyfish at the merry-go-round rides and the other, at the Salty Spitoon tough club, which was now moved into the carnival.

When SpongeBob told Officer Nancy the clues, Officer Nancy told him to carefully examine clues about which jellyfish is Jeffrey, and stolen.

"It's okay, I know already!" exclaimed SpongeBob very certainly. "It's definitely the tough one that stole Jeffrey!" Excited, SpongeBob ran towards the Salty Spitoon. He wanted to enter, but the guard, Reg, blocked him. (A/N: The Salty Spitoon and Reg appeared in "No Weenies Allowed".)

"I know you, you're that weenie sponge I saw you not a long while ago," Reg acknowledged. "You're still wimpy, so you can't enter!"

"Excuse me, sir, but I'm in the police officer business," SpongeBob declared. "I should have the right to enter. Here's my identification badge." He showed the guard his detective badge.

"Nice try, weenie," Reg sneered. "Go back to Weenie Hut Junior's."

"Barnacles! The guard won't let me in!" SpongeBob reported to Officer Nancy. "Is there any way I could get in?"

"I'll let the other officer handle this," said Officer Nancy. "Hold on a minute." Then he heard Officer Nancy tell the impatient police officer back in the station, "Officer Barney, we have a situation here. SpongeBob had to get in this club and a tough guy wouldn't let him in.

"WHAT?! JOINING IN A CLUB?!" exclaimed Officer Barney. "I can't stand laziness! Tell him to get right back to work!"

"Calm down, Barney," Officer Nancy explained. "There's a suspect that might be in that club and SpongeBob has to get in there and investigate."

Then, the walkie-talkie went silent. But it and SpongeBob both jumped up six feet high when Officer Barney screamed at the top of his lungs, "LET HIM IN, FOR NEPTUNE'S SAKE, OR I'LL ARREST YOU!!!!!!!!!"

That sound was so loud that it everyone in a 25-yard circumference was startled, and some were panicked. Even the Salty Spitoon nearly shook.

Reg was tumbled down after the shocking yell. "All right, you can enter," he said reluctantly, trying to stand back up.

SpongeBob went in, and saw Sandy. "SpongeBob! What are you doing in here?" Sandy asked him.

"I'm a detective, and I'm going to find the tough guy who stole Jeffrey Jellyfish," SpongeBob replied.

"Okay, but watch out for ice cubes," Sandy warned. "You don't want to end up like last time, slipping on them and getting covered in bandages." (A/N: This was mentioned in "No Weenies Allowed".)

So SpongeBob carefully made his way into the Salty Spitoon. He only saw people lifting anchors and wrestling, but no jellyfish. So he asked a tough guy, "Excuse me, have you seen a jellyfish around here?"

"NO! What do you want, weenie?" snapped the tough guy.

Annoyed, SpongeBob reported to Officer Nancy: "This tough guy won't tell me where the jellyfish is. Could you get someone to scream?"

"No, SpongeBob," replied Officer Nancy. "Officer Barney has lost his voice for screaming so loud. You'll just have to figure it out yourself."

"All right." SpongeBob asked more tough guys, and some said no, and others just directly threw him away. He was already injured throughout his entire body, when he found Larry the Lobster, who told SpongeBob that he saw a jellyfish in the interior room at the very back.

So SpongeBob went to the back side of the club, and he did find a small, dark, mysterious room. He carefully went inside, and found a tough guy beating up a jellyfish with an anchor to squeeze jam out of it.

SpongeBob quickly came up to him. "Excuse me sir," he declared. "It's against the animal care rules to hurt an animal like that."

"What do you want, you weenie!" the tough guy snapped.

"I am not a weenie," SpongeBob corrected him. "I'm a detective. Now, I believe that you're the thief of Jeffrey Jellyfish."

"Who's Jeffrey? He's not Jeffrey! HE'S NOT JEFFREY!!!" hollered the tough guy. "GET OUTTA HERE OR I'LL KICK YOUR FRIGGIN BUTT!!!!!!"

"But you're the—"

"OOOOOOUUUUUTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!" The tough guy motioned his feet upwards, and towards SpongeBob's butt.

"I'm outta here!" SpongeBob quickly ran out. "What's going on in here?" Officer Nancy called out in the walkie-talkie.

"This guy stole Jeffrey and he wouldn't admit it!" SpongeBob told Officer Nancy.

"SpongeBob, are you sure it's this particular suspect that stole the jellyfish?" questioned Officer Nancy. "You're supposed to inquire other suspects too! Now, where's the other suspect?"

"The other suspect? At the merry-go-round!" SpongeBob recalled.

"Then go there to find the fish," ordered Officer Nancy.

So SpongeBob went to the merry-go-round. He didn't see any jellyfish there. "I don't see any jellyfish there," he told Officer Nancy. "Now what do I do?"

"Do what you had did before all this morning," said Officer Nancy, with impatience building. "Ask if they've seen a jellyfish!"

"Got it." SpongeBob started asking fish passing by if they've seen Jeffrey, again. Ten minutes later, he got another result: At the Ferris wheel.

So SpongeBob went to the Ferris wheel. Unfortunately, he didn't see any jellyfish there. He wanted to leave, but Officer Barney stopped him. "DON'T YOU DARE LEAVING!" he yelled dryly, his throat still sore from screaming to Reg a short while ago.

"But there's no jellyfish here," SpongeBob said.

"You can't see it, but the Jellyfish could be up there!" gasped Officer Barney.

So SpongeBob just had to wait. Pretty soon, the Ferris wheel got down and the riders got out. SpongeBob checked to see if any rider has Jeffrey Jellyfish. Unfortunately, nobody is even carrying a pet, let alone a prize-winning jellyfish. SpongeBob stopped looking at the riders, and turned attention to something else, when Officer Barney's voice boomed from the walkie-talkie again: "TURN YOUR BARNACLE HEAD AROUND! THAT GUY HAD A JELLYFISH AND YOU DIDN'T SEE IT!!!"

"Which guy?"

"The tall, skinny fish in a purple shirt," guided Officer Nancy.

So SpongeBob turned around and was fortunate to find a skinny fish in a purple shirt. A jellyfish was leashed, with the leash in his hands.

He quickly caught up to him. "Excuse me sir," he called. "I believe this jellyfish happens to be stolen."

"What makes you think of that, sir?" asked the fish.

"Clues about who stole Jeffrey Jellyfish. Let me see your jellyfish identification tag."

The fish showed SpongeBob the tag without any rejection. SpongeBob checked it and saw that the tag said "No-Name".

"Okaaaaay." SpongeBob didn't let this go yet. He told Officer Nancy that the jellyfish identification tag said a different name.

"What does the identification tag look like?" asked Officer Nancy.

"It's just a lined piece of paper," SpongeBob responded.

"Lined piece of paper? Then it's definitely not an official Jellyfish Name Tag," Officer Nancy told him. "Check the name tag carefully, and see if the real tag's inside."

So SpongeBob caught up to the skinny fish again, and asked him to show him the Jellyfish Name Tag.

The fish began to sweat, and then he shivered, but didn't say anything. "Wh-wh-why d-d-do you n-n-need to see that, s-s-sir?" he stammered.

"Are you hot or are you cold?" SpongeBob changed the topic, when he saw the fish sweating and shivering at the same time.

"I'm hot. It's a hot day, isn't it, sir?" The skinny fish tried to lure SpongeBob away from the jellyfish topic.

"Well, for me, it isn't very hot, but maybe people like you have different senses and—"

"DON'T CHANGE THE TOPIC!" thundered Officer Barney. "You're supposed to continue asking him about the jellyfish!"

"Barney, I can handle this," said Officer Nancy in the walkie-talkie. "Okay, SpongeBob, you notice the fish is shivering? That means he's nervous to show the tag, so just snatch the tag if he refuses to show you."

SpongeBob listened to what Officer Nancy said, so he just chased up to the fish and grabbed the name tag. He couldn't seem to take the fake name tag off, so he asked Officer Nancy for help again.

"GRAB THE LEASH OFF FROM HIS HANDS, IDIOT!!!" screamed Officer Barney.

SpongeBob didn't want to hear another holler from Officer Barney, so he just grabbed the leash and took it off.

"Sir, give me back my leash!" the skinny fish complained, chasing SpongeBob.

"Don't just stand there, RRRRRRRRRRUNNNNN!!!" bellowed Officer Barney. So SpongeBob ran quickly while trying to take off the fake name tag. He opened the plastic from the outside and took out the fake the name tag. Inside was an official Jellyfish Name Tag that says: Jeffrey Jellyfish.

"Ah-hah! I've found the thief!" SpongeBob exclaimed. "It was the skinny fish!"

"Just keep him stalled. I'll be right there with the handcuffs," Officer Nancy directed.

"So SpongeBob took Jeffrey Jellyfish, and stalled the thief. He took out a bubble blowing set from his pocket and blew bubbles to keep him stalled.

The stalling worked. The skinny fish was being too enticed from SpongeBob's amazing bubble-blowing skills to do anything else. Pretty soon, Officer Nancy arrived and cuffed the fish's fins together.

So the first case was solved. After taking the fish to jail, they went back to the police station to have a lunch break.

A/N: This was a pretty long chapter, wasn't it? But Chapter 3 would be a lot shorter, so it would take a shorter time to update.


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